I live in my own fantasy world.

Picking up poo and hands like chew toys…The life of a Puppy Mummy

Picking up poo and hands like chew toys… things you deal with as a new Puppy Mummy

It was just before Christmas when the boy in my life told me he was getting a puppy, after repeatedly saying he wouldn’t have time for one.

Two days after Christmas, we picked up little Fiona, a 7 week-old Dogo Argentino/ Mastiff Cross Mix puppy and welcomed her to her new home.


Since my guy works during the days and I work as a Freelance Writer, I volunteered to stay home with Fiona while she’s a puppy. My guy thought he could just take her to work… but I am pretty sure a puppy would be frightened by giant heavy equipment, and shouldn’t be exposed to whatever dust is floating around at his workplace. Mummy to the rescue! I guess I’m her Mummy now? I wasn’t even living here before Fiona came home.



Little Fiona is my companion during the day as I diligently try to work away, the struggle of being a work-from-home writer where self-management is key, and 95% of your work is looking for work.

Since Daddy works and has to be up at 5:45am, I’ve been the one responding to the heavy breathing and fussing when the little one has to pee.

I’m also the one who she’s most comfortable with to test out her razor-sharp teeth and has no problem nipping at my crotch if she feels like it. We are working on these. On the plus side, she also gives me hella big kisses, which my guy thought was cute until he actually saw her shoving her full nose into my mouth and licking; his response was “I didn’t know you two were basically going to the drive-in together!”



At the time when I first wrote this, we’d had Fiona for two weeks, and now it’s been a month. She’s changed so much not only in size, but she’s developed her own personality. We keep a journal of her ‘milestones’ and write an entry every time she does something new. Fiona is starting to mature and need less assistance, but for the first couple of weeks, she was certainly a full-time job.



Here’s a few things you come to deal with when you become a Puppy Mummy:

  1. It’s important to talk about poo

Until this point, I got butterflies in my stomach every time before I visited my guy. Now, when one of us takes her out, it’s “Did she pee/poo? What was the poo like?” because we need to know how she’s responding to the treats we give her. -Daddy needs to limit the amount of pig ears we’ve found.



2. Getting licked all over the face is no longer gross and disgusting

I was not a dog person. I’m still not. But when Fiona came home and suddenly I’m one of her two parents, her kisses are beautiful. Let’s hope I still think so when she’s full grown. As I mentioned before, it’s import to teach her not to bite, so I encourage her to lick me on the face and hands and save the teeth for her infinite chew toys…she’s a spoilt puppy!



3. You become protective over where your puppy baby goes

Daddy wanted to take her out on New Years Eve to a friends house to help his friend break up a party of teenagers. NO WAY. She’s comfortable here on the sofa and that situation is frightening enough for the posse of teens let alone an innocent puppy. Daddy came to his senses.



4. Where did all this money come from?

Your broke a$$ can barely afford anything, yet money spent on the puppy seems to come out of a magical pocket. You’re so excited to give it to her, and she will love it for about 10 min before resorting to your feet as her favourite play-thing.





5.  You’re a hypocrite to the statement “I hate people who post pictures of their kids all the time on social media”

Somewhere along the way, those of us who have been single and sour for many years into these early stages of adulthood are guilty of complaining about how much people post pictures of their children on Facebook. Why? Well let’s face it, we probably envy their happiness to some degree although we value our freedom.


Anyways, now as a puppy parent, I can’t help but post pictures of my beautiful dog laying, sleeping, eating, playing, curled up next to her ravishing Daddy. Hell, we even did a professional photography shoot of our girl.



6. Separation anxiety from your pooch

Just two days after we brought Fiona home, it was my scheduled evening for my annual Christmas Potluck and Secret Santa Gift Exchange I do every year with my close girlfriends. Although it was only two full days I’d spent home with Fiona, her and I had become close and I already felt she was “my baby”. All night I scrolled through the 50+ photos and videos of her on her phone and texted her Daddy to ask how she was doing. I spent the night at my house (parent’s house), and rushed to drive back in the morning. The look on Fiona’s face when she saw Mummy melted my heart.


7. Putting the puppy first

The Boy and I aren’t exactly the textbook definition of ‘adults’. I’ve managed to live 26 years with no responsibilities for anyone other than myself, always off on my own adventure, and him… well up until now you could call his place a total man cave. Suddenly there’s a new little helpless addition to worry about, and taking care of Fiona is our utmost priority. She needs to be comfortable, be loved and taken care of, and we even got a calendar to mark down her vet appointments and her worm pills… how responsible of us.



8. Nothing stays clean… ever

I love to keep things clean and tidy and I’m very house proud. With puppy accidents happening when she gets excited, her random spurts of energy resulting in crashing into the water dishes, and every blanket covered in slobbery marrow bones, it’s impossible to keep things clean. Planning when to clean the floors is a challenge, because you want nice floors for company coming, but know they will be covered in paw marks of excitement by the time they leave.



9. I may as well dress like a hobo

Everything is going to smell like puppy, and eventually, like dog. Puppies like to chew, and Fiona is still learning NOT to bite my socks, leggings, sweaters and anything that looks appetising. Also, taking her out in the blistering cold means I usually borrow her Daddy’s grubby oversized sweatpants and sweatshirts to put overtop of my shorts and tank top.



10.  Say goodbye to a goodnights sleep

When you first bring back a puppy, there will be constant fussing, accidents, and bursts of energy throughout the night. The first couple nights with Fiona, I had no sleep. Her Daddy works early in the morning, so I volunteered to get up to help her on the puppy mat, followed by tiring her out and teaching her it is not time to play. Since Daddy is a heavy sleeper, if I wasn’t there he’d wake up surrounded by a circle of poop. Fiona is getting better and can sleep for longer throughout the night, but now we’re getting good with potty training it means going outside in the blistering cold at 3am then settling her down once we get back inside.



But being a “Puppy Mum” is incredibly rewarding. I love seeing her learn new things and the look of adoration she gives me,. It warms my heart when she sees her Daddy come home. It’s like being a Mum [I’d imagine] but being able to stick your baby in a crate and leave to go to the tanning salon.



Check out Fiona’s Daddy’s amazing spray paint art, Salty Sketchpad

Facebook – Salty’s Sketchpad


Love from Lala.

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