It’s a bit Chilly EH? Characteristics of a Canadian Winter

It’s the time of year which can truly be a majestic winter wonderland for those who enjoy a white Christmas, partake in skiing and activities on ice, or enjoy bundling up and forgetting about their leg hair and giving up the care of what their bodies look like until summer.

Most of the world-I think, although I’m no geographical weather pattern expert, I’m a self-proclaimed comediennes (princess of comedy) and blogger- experience this truly awful climate where several months of the year this gross white wet moisture falls from the sky, kills living nature, and temperatures drop below freezing.

Though many countries experience true “winter” to the above definition, Canada certainly has a reputation of having terrible winters….mainly because most of our country is uninhabited, and yes, I’m sure somewhere there are still igloos.

But winter time to most Canadians is not about ice fishing and wearing dead wolf hides and snuggling up naked under a dome of ice.

We experience winter just like any other time of year- we get through the days and live normally, yet no matter the temperature, we will complain about it- haha, I’ve never actually lived in a place where people experience extreme cold and heat and still complain all year long.

[Yeah that’s the USA- but it’s hilarious AF]

However, it shows remarkable strength for a nation to come together year after year and overcome these icy obstacles which many other countries do not face. With so much effort that goes into this time of year, there are also many incentives put in place such as snow-related activities, and specials on hot coffee which give us the motivation to make it through to spring.

Here are some familiar characteristics of a classic Canadian winter.

1. Every superstore markets their winter merchandise like you’re preparing for a war or natural disaster.

You know when you see on TV, stores preparing for a world war or catastrophic natural disaster? You’d swear with the amount of “Prepare Yourself for Winter” sh*t right up in your face as soon as you step in Walmart or Canadian tire, that a Canadian winter was on par with a Category 5 Hurricane.

Of course, once you’ve experienced a winter here, you’ll know that this awful season takes a lot of preparation. It is ver costly, and overall just an obnoxious pain to deal with.

I don’t know figures or statistics, but all I know is that places in warm climates don’t need to spend money changing their tires twice a year, purchase bags of salt, or if you’re a princess like me, hundreds of dollars in gas from just starting your automatic car starter 3 times before you leave work, so that your bum doesn’t freeze.

2. In every neighbourhood, there’s that one true Canadian guy out happily snow-blowing the morning after a storm

Whereas most people dread waking up half an hour early to to shovel snow on heir driveway before work, in every neighbourhood there’s that one neighbour you hear out at 6 am using his snow-blower. You know this guy….he wears one of those Yukon trapper hats with the ear flaps, and has the biggest smile on his face as he genuinely loves to blow snow. Most of the time, and especially if they’re retired, they’ll do their neighbours’ driveways for them out of the goodness of their heart. It’s the one time a year they do a good deed and they get it out of the way early, in winter.

3. Every kid plays hockey or figure skates

It’s like written into the birth certificate for Canadian parents to sign that by the time their child can walk, they must learn to skate.

Coming from the UK at a young age, every single one of my class mates either played hockey or figure-skated.

[Basically me the first time I played in the snow]

These times are nostalgic for those who did get involved in their childhood and spent several nights a week out on the ice. An appreciation for hockey is a good thing to have in Canada, even if it just means being able to follow if the Maple Leafs are doing good or bad in the NHL.

Me being clumsy and born for tropical weather, I have never been able to pick up skating on ice, or any surface for that matter. I’d rather tan in the sun, run on sand, and go swimming.

4. A drive through line up lasts 5 times as long as the line inside

When its winter in Canada, Canadians are prepared to wait in the line at Timmy’s long enough to be late for work, rather than park and get out of their car. One good thing about winter is ‘Roll Up the Rim’ and hot sugary beverages from the country’s favourite coffee shop chain…no one can go without their coffee…

Mc Donald’s also puts on $1 coffee days, and I’m sure other fast food shops offer similar incentives to get us out of the house. However, during a day with temperatures below -10 Celsius, most would sacrifice coffee and a muffin if it meant facing the weather outside.

5. You miss more days at work due to your kid having a school day than you do for being sick

Better save up those sick days and suck up the summer hangovers, cause when it’s winter, your child is sure to be using up every one of your personal days due to the fact that the busses can’t drive on the roads.

Lucky for me, I don’t have kids. I cringe at the thought of losing money by missing a day off work, but if I do, it’s going to be cause I caught an awful winter cold- another magical thing to look forward to in winter.

6. A Reliable Weather App is crucial, as the weather fluctuates like some stock market reference I was trying to think of but can’t…

In Canada, the weather can go from a steady three days of 2 degree average winter weather, to 12 degrees like a warm spring day, to a giant snow storm with like 8 feet of snow, to 5 degrees and raining, to negative 20. Of course, the pattern has to change so drastically in an order which makes it not only a giant tease, but then it’s I’m possible to drive because there’s snow, then ice, then slush, then more snow.

You need to stay on top of these conditions and know what days to plan ahead and wake up half an hour to tend to your car before going to work in the morning. Weather sites and apps are nessecary for the next day’s forecast, but you may as well get your long-term forecast from a newspaper in 1988, as it’s likely going to be more accurate.

So layer up and treat yourself to a warm and insulated Canada Goose Jacket and expensive weather-resistant Ugg boots… if you’re going to make it through a Canadian Winter, may as well do it in style.