When I was a fat kid growing up, I’d usually dress up as a giant M&M, a werewolf, or something equally as unattractive, but live for the month after Halloween when I could sneak eat chocolate out of my closet while my poor Mum wondered why I wasn’t eating vegetables.
In my early teen years, I first dressed as a Playboy Bunny in Grade 9, followed by nearly a decade of costumes alternating between “animals” and some sort of female profession uniform.
Now, as my peers on social media start to post photos of their infant children dressed up as cartoon characters and take them trick or treating, I sit here contemplating what to do with myself on what used to be my favourite Holiday.
Sometimes people my age and their “significant other” dress up in sickeningly cute couples costumes and find another couple dressed in a couples costume to go out and find a party full of more couples dressed in couples costumes.
[Ugh it’s so cute and creative I want to throw up in that litter box]
[Me and my GBFF going as “Blinkerbell” and “Peter Glam” – Tinkerbell and Peter Pan Divas]
But here it is, another year into my mid-20s and this year I last minute pulled together a costume using articles of clothing I used to wear out to a nightclub on a typical Friday night. This year I wore a mermaid-ish looking business skirt and a sequence bra, couldn’t be bothered to do anything special with my makeup, and so no one (including myself) knew what I was supposed to be. Me and two girlfriends went out to a nightclub where we tore up the dance floor and saw a lot of creative and scary costumes.
But Halloween still has it’s fun moments, no matter what age or stage of life you’re at. I may not have gone to the Pumpkin Farm like tradition with my girls, the Halloween party I was supposed to go to got cancelled, and still haven’t been to Haunt Manor, but…. Ok so I have no idea where I’m going with this.
[I think I’ll just munch on Laura Croft’s cleavage until I can figure out what to write]
[The above was actually a good Halloween costume! I just wrapped caution tape over my bra and wore booty shorts and said I was “Nothing but Trouble!”]
Here’s a few original plans for what I intend to do with myself if I’m still in this awkward in-between stage when Halloween rolls around next year:
- Dress up in a terrifying outfit and hand-out candy – Why should the kids get all the fun?
2. Deck my car out like the ghost busters van and drive around so people can take photos with it and tell me what an awesome idea I’ve had
3. Learn all the dance moves to Thriller and organise a flash mob – although it would probably end up being me dancing in the cul-de-sac of my street
4. Find someone equally as pathetic as me to rent a two-person horse suit and walk around the mall- just because I’ve always wanted to do that
5. Go ahead and eat an entire box of assorted chocolates cause I’m too out of shape to wear an animal costume that exposes 3/4 of my skin anyways
6. Volunteer at a Halloween event in my community. It’s for a great cause and an excuse to wear an unflattering yet creative costume
7. Bar Hop with a purpose – Persuade a group of your friends to go out on a scavenger hunt to count how many we see of the years’ biggest costume fads. Ie. The Donald Trumps and the Sexy Fidget Spinners (according to the radio, the later was a popular costume)
8. Actually go all out and deck out my lawn to be the best one on the block with fog machines and a haunted house and…. oh wait. That only works if you have a lawn.
9. Take this as a sign that maybe it’s time to “Grow Up” and be an adult this year. Now THAT would be the scariest thing of all.
Love from Lala.
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