Lessons Learned with 2 Years Left of Being ‘Stuckinyourtwenties’
After celebrating my 28th birthday last month, I am coming to terms with the fact that I only have two years left of being “Stuck in my Twenties”. Originally when I came up with the name for the blog, I was 24-years-old, and I did feel somewhat “stuck” in this awkward, inconsistent stage of life.
That’s me at the Hilton Fallsview for my birthday – I still look pretty good for 28 (it’s NOT old)
Every year was something new. New people, a new job, a new country. Stability was something I never experienced, other than I always had a loving family and home in Niagara-on-the-Lake, and I’d kept the same core group of girlfriends since high school. Adventure was my style. I kept challenging myself to try new things, and bounce back when something didn’t work out. Many of my experiences were rewarding, but doing it all as a ‘single girl’ took its toll.
From the time I was 17, and left Niagara-on-the-Lake for university, I have lived and/or worked in 8 different cities, in 5 different countries. A couple of times, I took an existing opportunity, but most times, I sought a one for myself. I couldn’t have done it without both financial and moral support from my parents. But, I worked hard to be where I was, and lived below my means in order to make it happen. These experiences gave me a priceless outlook on cultures, people, values, and life.
You can read the ‘Who the H*ll is this Chick?’ to read a full synopsis of a hectic timeline of my 20s. Currently I’m living in Hamilton, Ontario (45 min drive from my family’s home in Niagara-on-the-Lake), and live with my boyfriend, Brendan, who I met in August 2018. We moved into our place in May 2019, and under odd circumstances acquired a hilarious little cat, Jasper.
This blog isn’t all about me. I wanted to share some lessons I’ve learned, particularly in the last couple of years. This specific wisdom was gained as I’ve been through the roughest of times, but in the end, I hope all of it was worth it. Sharing my life with someone special has been incredibly rewarding, and although I miss my ‘adventures’, I am content if this is it, and I’m ‘settling down’.
Here are some lessons anyone can learn from, no matter if you are younger than 20, in your twenties, or are in a stage where you reflect back on these years, but can still learn from them.
- Forgive someone who has demonstrated change
It is important to forgive people who have demonstrated a willingness to change. When someone admits they are wrong, and clearly wants to fix things, the signs will be there from the start. Change may take time, trial and error, and trust. Try and see why someone has hurt you. They may need your help in order to start changing for the better. If someone knows they’ve done wrong, rejects help, and fails to change, it’s better to let go and move on.
2. It’s not a bad thing to accept help from your parents
Classic Linda Creeper Photobomb!
When you choose to become a parent, you choose to be the one who looks out for your child, no matter their age or how many times they’ve failed. In certain cases, parents I know have had to let their child go until they want to change themselves for the better; but they welcomed back that changed person with love.
My parents have been phenomenal my whole life, supporting me morally and financially, and forgiving me when I’ve done wrong. Without their help, I wouldn’t have been able to go on my adventures, or survive during the unfortunate cards I’ve been dealt. My Mum and Dad support both myself and my boyfriend. I try never to take advantage of their generosity, and pay back when I can with money and gratitude. If you have loving and supportive parents, don’t be embarrassed to accept help, but show them you appreciate it. Days and times will come when you can be there for them.
3. Maintaining friendships requires ongoing support
In high school, I had a core group of girlfriends, and most of us have managed to stay in touch. We still have get togethers on holidays and every Christmas. It is rare to have a group like that who still remains close. When we graduated high school, our lives started to take different paths. I was the only one who moved away for university, but we still got together quite frequently, and I saw them every time I came home.
It’s important to be a part of everyone’s journey, and celebrate the milestones of people you care for…even when you feel envious or can’t relate. Being happy for your friends and supporting important parts of their lives will mean they will do the same when the time comes for you. Now that I am in a relationship myself I have more in common. Sometimes it’s hard when you feel out of place, but if you work at your friendships, the bonds you share will make you feel at home.
4. Owning up to lies and mistakes creates inner peace
Admitting you are wrong is admirable. I have respect for anyone who admits they are wrong, and does what they can to redeem themselves. Lies and secrets can tear your mental health apart; they become an addiction, and a way of temporarily solving issues. When you lie, you cause damage, and trust can be the hardest thing to rebuild in any relationship. Admitting you’ve made a mistake demonstrates true character. Even though owning up to a past failure may cause shock and initial disappointment to someone you care about, in the end, you’ll be at peace with yourself, and your bond will be stronger.
5. You have the ability to change someone’s future
Your actions and behaviour towards people can significantly impact their future. You should always to be kind, patient, and understanding of someone’s situation. When I started this blog four years ago, I never set out to make money from it. My only goal was and still is it to influence people and inspire others to do things in their 20s. They don’t need to fall into a trap of what they think is the norm…unless of course, it makes them happy.
Perhaps through my crazy stories, those who read my blog will learn that there are people suffering, excelling, and everything in between. When we see our peers and acquaintances posting their achievements and milestones on social media, we forget what may be behind the scenes.
When I say ‘you have the ability to change someone’s future’, it could mean you opened up to someone who was hiding depression, and you helped to lift them from a dark place. It can also be as simple as offering words of encouragement. It can mean supporting a friend, an acquaintance, or even a stranger. A simple act of kindness can make someone a happier and more successful person.
If you don’t believe me, read my blog from 2017,
“THE TINDER DATE WHO BLEW ME OFF INSPIRED ME TO FOLLOW MY DREAMS”
6. A girl needs a rock to shine like a diamond
There’s no other way to say that without us all thinking of Rihanna’s song ‘Diamonds’. My writing business, Rock Diamond Writing and Marketing’s motto is “A talented writer can hand you a rock, and in 50 words or less, convince you you’re holding a diamond.” We always perceive diamonds to be a symbol of perfection, success, achievements, beauty, wealth, and commitment. But a rock is equally as important as a diamond. Regardless of gender, most of us need a ‘rock’ to shine our brightest.
The past year of my relationship, I experienced having a partner who could support me at my weakest moments, when I felt I could no longer shine. After being single and travelling solo until I was 26, I finally found a relationship where we support each other during the good and the bad.
Urban Dictionary’s definition of a Power Couple says: In a power couple, if one person is flawed, the other person makes up for their weaknesses in strength. Together they are the epitome of what anyone would desire in a relationship. They encourage goodness in the world and make it a better place by being together.
Brendan is my rock, and with his help, I can be a diamond. I was his rock when he needed someone who believed he could shine. Though at times it’s hard to see, I believe we are in fact a ‘Power Couple’- I was first told this by a girl who comes into my work. Not everyone is lucky enough to have this kind of a bond, but when you see it in a couple, you know it.
Whatever age or stage of your life you are at, I hope the lessons in this post will help you. It’s important to maintain relationships, as at our core, we are all human beings who need each other. Make 2020 the year you mend what’s broken, embrace what you have, and learn to care for those who you may not know, but need you.
Love from Lala.
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